Sunday, 20 February 2011

Safe Refuge

Sleep is proving to be a big problem for me right now. I'm having one of those rough patches where I either can't sleep, don't want to sleep or I'm dragged back into the world of abuse night after night in my nightmares. I'm tired but I don't want to sleep.  What a silly place to find myself! 

Wouldn't it be nice if sleep was like a holiday where it's full of beautiful places, relaxation and friends. :) I didn't sleep at all last night again and spent most of today trying to get some sleep (I haven't really slept for the past couple of days at least and I'm ill too so not really a great combination).  There's somewhere that is the most special place in the world to me and I use it as a safe haven to try to go in my mind when I need that extra feeling of safety. 

There are deserts... but with beautiful oases tucked away, where there are waterfalls...

...and life in the dry and seemingly dead places...

...even the desert itself has it's own beauty... like the sun lighting up the mountains in the evening...

...then there are sunsets that take my breath away...

...and beyond the desert there are rushing rivers that get my heart racing...

...and a beautiful lake where the sun sparkles on the water making my heart light up with joy...

...with quiet shorelines where the water quietly laps against the pebble beach...

... where I can dip my toes in and let the cool water gently soothe me and fill me with peace and contentment.

That's where I try to go when everything is raging inside and the darkness of my dreams and memories try to take over. I'm grateful for the beauty in the world even when my life has been full of pain and terror.  I still had nightmares when I slept a little today.  I probably need to take some time to try and deal with the stuff that my mind isn't letting me avoid right now... but it's good to have somewhere of refuge and safety to help give me a bit of relief in the midst of all of that.


  1. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. :( It's so hard when survivor issues rise up out of nowhere to bite you!

    I think it's wonderful that you have such a beautiful, calm 'place' to go to - that's something we all need, I think.

    Take care of you, and I hope you get some (nightmare free!) sleep tonight! xx

  2. I am there with you in the struggle of sleep... I'm exhausted yet still fight it.. because I know once i submit I will be haunted but the shadows of the night ..I get it..I hears you..As always..XOXOXO

  3. Thanks Susannah. :) xx

    Hi Bongo, sorry you struggle with sleep too. :( Thanks for hearing and understanding. Nice to meet you btw! :) xx

  4. I don't have nightmares much any more. I just don't sleep much at night. I hate to go to bed until I can sleep so I am usually up until sometime between 1:00-3:00 a.m. most nights. I get up around 10:00 a.m. most mornings. I am an incest survivor who is also a thriver. I don't have as many issues to deal with as I used to but still have some come up at times. I came here from Twitter. I also have a blog where I talk about my experiences with incest.

  5. Hi Patricia :) Nice to meet you. I'm glad you don't have nightmares much anymore... that shows healing I think! I don't sleep much at night either (it's 8am here and I still haven't gone to bed yet - oops!). I find that I feel safer sleeping in the day - is that the same for you? Glad to hear you're a thriver too! I'll check out your blog. :)

    Thanks for your comment! x

  6. Yes, I do find it easier to go to sleep after sunrise. Then I can see better if someone is in the room with me if I hear a sound. When I do sleep, I am a light sleeper. The slightest sound usually wakes me up.

    I hate to take sleeping pills but I will sometimes when I get really tired. I usually wake up several times a night when I do sleep. My age is part of the problem with the waking up at night. I am 59 years old and I usually get up at least once a night to go to the bathroom. Tonight I am tired enough to go to sleep soon. I hope that our talk helps. You are not alone.

  7. You sound a lot like me in the sleep department Patricia! I hate taking anything to help me sleep too but seems like these days I just can't sleep. When I finally do get to sleep it doesn't take much to wake me up and then it's nearly impossible to go back to sleep. I hope you managed to get some good sleep last night!!

    Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. :)


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