Living Life to the Full

The recent #alicebucketlist trend on Twitter as part of an incredibly brave teenager with terminal cancer's list of things she wants to do in the time she has left made me think. Abuse can be totally devastating and has the potential to destroy our lives. Having a reminder that life is worth living in spite of it all can be empowering! It can be so easy after all we've been through to slip into depths of depression and hopelessness. It's easy to give up on life. Yes, so much was taken from us, but there is so much more out there than that!

I don't know about you, but the things I've been through make me realise all the more how valuable life is. The years that were taken from me, I can never get back... but that makes me all the more determined to make the most of the rest of my life and take back more than was taken from me!

So... I thought I'd write some kind of 'bucket list' myself. A list of things in my hopes and dreams for the future of my life. Things to live for and things to fight for.

1. Get better! (I've been ill for most of the past year)

2. Get my PhD!

Image: .public.randomnotes.org

3. Meet as many new people as I can, from all over the world, and learn from them.

Image: www.meetmeet.co.uk

4. See the world!

Image: Total Law TM

5. Have an art exhibition at a good gallery.

Image: www.artec.org.uk

6. Live a life where I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in and where I am not ashamed of being me.

Image: thisisatruebeauty.tumblr.com

7. Do a Post-doc in Israel. (random I know but hey... it's my list!)

8. Own a horse.

9. Learn to speak another language fluently. (or several!)

Image: www.languagesunited.co.uk

10. Make a positive difference to other people's lives.

11. See the Northern Lights.

12. Camp in a desert for a week.

13. Attend a masquerade ball.

Image: graur codrin

14. Make a quilt by hand.

15. Take tea with the Queen.

16. Write a book... and get it published.

Image: Surachai

 17. Name a star.

Image: nuttakit

18.  Own a Beulah dress.

Visit: Beulah London

19. Watch one of Shakespeare's plays in the Globe Theatre.

20. Raise £1000 for Love146.

http://love146.org/

What would you put on your list? What would you regret not doing with your life? Do you have dreams or ambitions?  You deserve to live life to the full, and to reach for your dreams. Life is what you make it... don't waste it!

Image: elegantwordart2.blogspot.com

 And thank you Alice for inspiring me - I hope you get to do as many things as possible on your bucket list. xx

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Safe Refuge

Sleep is proving to be a big problem for me right now. I'm having one of those rough patches where I either can't sleep, don't want to sleep or I'm dragged back into the world of abuse night after night in my nightmares. I'm tired but I don't want to sleep.  What a silly place to find myself! 

Wouldn't it be nice if sleep was like a holiday where it's full of beautiful places, relaxation and friends. :) I didn't sleep at all last night again and spent most of today trying to get some sleep (I haven't really slept for the past couple of days at least and I'm ill too so not really a great combination).  There's somewhere that is the most special place in the world to me and I use it as a safe haven to try to go in my mind when I need that extra feeling of safety. 

There are deserts... but with beautiful oases tucked away, where there are waterfalls...

...and life in the dry and seemingly dead places...

...even the desert itself has it's own beauty... like the sun lighting up the mountains in the evening...

...then there are sunsets that take my breath away...

...and beyond the desert there are rushing rivers that get my heart racing...

...and a beautiful lake where the sun sparkles on the water making my heart light up with joy...

...with quiet shorelines where the water quietly laps against the pebble beach...

... where I can dip my toes in and let the cool water gently soothe me and fill me with peace and contentment.

That's where I try to go when everything is raging inside and the darkness of my dreams and memories try to take over. I'm grateful for the beauty in the world even when my life has been full of pain and terror.  I still had nightmares when I slept a little today.  I probably need to take some time to try and deal with the stuff that my mind isn't letting me avoid right now... but it's good to have somewhere of refuge and safety to help give me a bit of relief in the midst of all of that.

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